Welcome to JAFAQs, a weekly series that is exactly what it sounds like: answers to the most common questions I've gotten since I started addressing my $20k+ of personal debt.
Do you have a question about debt, personal finance, budgeting, mental health, life in New York, the NFL (I’m an expert now that Taylor Swift attended one game) or literally anything else? Send them on over to realgirlproject@gmail.com + come back every Wednesday to see the answers.
Hello and welcome back to “seriously, how did you get into debt in the first place?” A six-part JAFAQs series about… how I got into debt in the first place. Last week, I shared the way codependency played a role in my finances getting out of control.
This week, in part two, we’re talking about (and not avoiding) avoidance.
The maxim "What you don’t know can’t hurt you" doesn’t apply to credit cards. In fact, what you don't know is actually designed to hurt you. And with the way we live today, what we don't know about our credit card spending is a lot.
Spending money has never been more convenient. You can swipe, you can tap, you can pay with your phone or watch. But the easiest part of all? Forgetting to track all those swipes and taps.
When I started documenting my debt, I not-so-proudly-but-definitely-loudly announced the number: $18,000. Except, it wasn’t $18,000. It was more like $23,000. I had an entire credit card with a $5,000 balance I had totally forgotten about! Can you believe that? I probably wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been the one who did it.
For many years, I had no idea where my money was going, how many negative balances I carried, what the interest rates were on any of my cards, or how much I was throwing away each month by only making the minimum payments.
Sometimes my hand would be forced. I’d get a "Your Account is Overdrawn" notice, or my card would get declined, at which point I’d work up the courage on a payday to just take a quick peek before quickly navigating away from the page and embracing a life of willful ignorance. It was so much easier to avoid the uncomfortable truth and continue on my merry journey. And that constant low grade anxiety that was sitting on my shoulders like an overstuffed Jansport? That was definitely unrelated. I’m a Jewish New Yorker, that’s just how we are. (P.S., Jansport, call me.)
As expected, eventually, the straps on the Jansport broke. (Not the actual Jansport. Those straps never break. And if they do, they’re replaced by the inimitable Jansport. Because they don’t participate in planned obsolescence. I love you, Jansport. Please sponsor our podcast.)
But when the metaphorical straps broke, I came to terms with the fact that avoidance of my financial health was avoidance of my mental health. There was no ignoring either of them away. The only way out was through – so I turned around and looked at not one, but both at the same time.
And I still look. I look every day. I look when it’s scary, I look when it’s not scary. I look at every transaction, I see exactly where my hard-earned money is going, who is benefitting from my purchase and in which areas I can cut costs next time. I look without judgment. I made these choices, and in many cases, I made them for reasons far bigger than just my inability to stop spending (more on that in this mini episode of Debt Heads).
I still have anxiety. I’m a Jewish New Yorker, and that is, in fact, just how we are to some degree. But when I swipe my card now, it’s a debit card. I know exactly how much money I have and, thanks to a budget (check Tiller out, here!), know exactly how much I have allotted to spend in each area. It’s not a perfect system, and I still catch myself swiping without intention. But at the very least, I have an understanding of what I have. And when things start to feel out of control, I take a step back, go through my budget and keep pushing forward. I don’t shy away from hard things anymore, in my life or in my bank account.
This installment of JAFAQs is brought to you in partnership with Debt Heads, the larger audio project we’ve been working on that explores these topics in more detail. Check out some of the work we’ve already done on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or right here on Jamie AF.
XOXOXOX