I'm thankful for Chelsea Handler's relationship
“Do you know how hot it is to have a man be turned on by my honesty, strength, and confidence?”
A few weeks ago I opened up one of my dating apps and saw before me a man of my same name.
I am inclined to swipe right on men who have the same name as me even if I don’t find them particularly interesting or attractive. Why? You ask? Why not? I deflect. I opened the only logical way I could think of:
“Is your middle name Alyson, too?”
“hahahahahahhahahhahahhahaha!” He’d say. “You’re funny! I love you.” We (Jamie, the myriad sports teams T-shirts he owns according to his profile photos and I) would stop swiping and start charming the pants off of people at dinner parties. “Those Jamies,” people would say. “They’re so clever and have such great senses of humor and senses of style ever since he got rid of all those stupid T-shirts.”
The next time I logged into my account, the message was gone.
Jamie (middle name unknown) had unmatched me.
I spun my Price is Right wheel of numbing agents (booze, food, Instagram) and settled on the latter, sharing the “funny” story on my stories. It was funny, according to the validating crying face emojis in my DMs and laughter I’d hear when I relayed the story to friends in person.
But truthfully, it felt pretty bad. Of course he did me a favor, un-matching me for whatever reason — humorlessness being very much a non-starter. Still, of the many things that can make you forget who you are, online dating is the bleakest.
Days later I was — you guessed it — scrolling Instagram when I saw this:
“Do you know how hot it is to have a man be turned on by my honesty, strength, and confidence?,” Chelsea Handler captioned this photo which apparently I am unable to embed with that caption showing through SubStack. “Someone who loves the fact that I’m not going to take anyone’s shit and isn’t intimidated or emasculated by my fierceness? Jo has renewed my faith in men. For everyone who is still looking for their person, do not adjust who you are or make yourself smaller to find them. Be patient and never settle for anything less than you deserve. Your person is coming and sometimes—they’ve been standing in front of you the whole time.”
Well, damn.
I thought back on an episode of Dax Shepard’s podcast Armchair Expert she was on in 2019. (highly recommend!) Handler was single and on the other side of a series of major breakthroughs she’d had about herself in therapy. It was during this interview I learned about her brother, who died tragically when she was 9, how that trauma in many ways impeded her ability to relate to or get close to men, how she had only recently come around to accepting that it’s not “weak” to admit you want a boyfriend.
I felt really seen. It has taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to prioritize enjoying the life I have instead of wasting that precious time waiting for one I’m not even sure I want. Seeing this woman, who never dimmed her light or settled for a partner who was threatened by it (or who exclusively owns graphic sports tees) helped me feel more grounded in the life I am slowly making for myself, whatever it ends up looking like. Partner or no partner. It’s hard to realize you have no control over anything and that life happens as it’s supposed to no matter what. But it’s also freeing.
So, yes. I am thankful for Chelsea Handler, a woman I do not know personally, and her relationship, for that reminder.
Other things I am grateful for include:
You, in advance, for using my affiliate Girlfriend Collective link to shop this weekend :)
This Aritzia puffer. I just started wearing mine again for the season and it is SooOoO warm. And made with recycled materials!
You, again, for the many turtleneck recs I got from asking on Instagram. You recommended Uniqlo, J. Crew, Eddie Bauer and Madewell. I picked up this bodysuit version from Madewell and am loving the thickness and stretch so far.
These Abercrombie dad jeans that I recommend sizing down in
And you all, again for reading this newsletter. It means the world to me.
Love,
Jamie AF.